Forget Not to Remember
by Lone.L
Summary: Postseries. If you love someone, let them go. For if they return, they were always yours. And if they don't, they never were.


I cried at the ending to the series. It wasn't until I rewatched and looked around the net that I realized the truth to the ending and was somewhat relieved, much inspired. This is the result.

* * *

**Forget Not to Remember, Always**

**Prologue - Not All of Us Arrive Together in the End**

* * *

It's not fair.

How this happened.

And I know it; and so do they.

And so do you.

So what must you be thinking right now? Are you pleased at the world you left behind? I think that knowing you, you'd have this smug grin on your face, full of satisfaction. But somewhere beneath it you would be happy. I miss that feeling; like so many other things left unsaid, I just want you to know that.

The school's doors shooed me out, like they knew I had a meeting to make, but in the halls all I could see was you gliding past, even though you weren't there, life's flow following you rather than the other way around. I slipped on this onyx uniform so easy; it still fits me, and it was just like every other time I put it on—except that I could almost see your hands on it as you gave it to me, and I almost feel that I can smell you in its fabric. It's the same material as your own, right? I'd like to think so, but it doesn't matter now. It's not yours anymore.

We're silent for a little while, because no one can possibly think of what to say, how to speak.

I'm crying, silently. It must be okay, because a few others are too.

Finally...

"It was beautiful." That's the former princess. I think she still calls herself your half-sister. I raise my head quickly to look at her, unsure what to say. But I know I must say something.

"Admit it," she continues, with cold finality, "This was the only way."

But there are tears in her eyes too. "And he was perfect."

We stay quiet for a bit longer, but eventually we all must open up. It's so hard. The rest of the world will never know. They'll never understand. They'll never comprehend who you were, what you did for them, what you went through. That knowledge can never leave this room, and that's just as frustrating as knowing that you'll never be here again. It's not fair. It's not. I'm glad the new Empress is absent. I'd be no help, crying uncontrollably, mumbling incoherently. This is consuming me. I know the world is so much better now, but we're not the world. We're us. I'm me.

Does that make me selfish? I guess so, but that too hurts, because it means I can't ever be as noble as you. I just want you to know that I understand your sacrifice. I appreciate it.

And I miss you.

We turn to go, but I grab the masked man's wrist firmly, and pull. He stops, turning slowly. Too slow. He's aware. I compose myself.

"I just want you to know that I know."

It sounds meaner than I meant it. He pauses; in but a moment's time, he contorts his hand, removing it from my grip and placing it on mine. He squeezes. Then, just like that, it's over. He turns away, that cape swirling before my eyes.

"Have a good day, Kallen."

* * *

Blue sky above—beautiful, serene, calm. But...silent. Blue sky above, and it's all I see.

Blue.

What of the wheels, clanking constantly, this large cart that supports me, cackling as it moves, as if threatening to fall apart at any minute? Enticed by the motion, insects flock, curious. They inspect my face, buzzing, whirring; the sky calls me, and I have no time for theirs. Incessant, he, this one, lands on my face. Taunting? I see brown; just as the cart, the wheels, this road.

Brown. Sigh...

The breath escaping from my lips feels good. It flutters away, but the breeze returns, light zephyrs washing over me, caressing me yet again. The sensation of a gentle, moving touch on these lips was far too long lost on me. If immersing myself in such thoughts is all I can do, that is enough—I will be happy. The insect returns, though, zipping around me, mocking my weak reminiscing. Agitated, I slap at it, squishing its body against my hand. The straw by my side dutifully accepts the remains as I wipe them, washing away the dirt from the life I have just taken. I'm selfish.

Life...

It's wearying, I know. But I never once dreamed of using that word again; I know not the meaning. I knew not the meaning. I once believed it could be rediscovered, but now again I am lost, baffled. What to think? But I smile, because life is a number. Its significance to me is dried up.

For time is no longer an object.

Something I need.

No more.

I want to reach for the paper behind my head; it's waiting for my attention. Pristine, sharply folded, pink and made with gentle hands, I know. I know. My fingers entwine with the straw as I prepare myself for returning to knowing what it's like to have something to hold on to. The moment is too right. I smile apologetically towards the crane. Later. I promise.

"The Power of Kings, called Geass, will make people lonely."

I understand how changed I am, and chuckle.

"I suppose that wasn't quite true."

I smile, because I must, because I can't refuse myself. A witch like me isn't deserving of such a lucky break, a happy ending. And yet...

I'm selfish. I refuse to turn away this gift that has been handed to me.

"Right, Lelouch?"

The cart rolls stubbornly over a bump in the road, and I am momentarily shaken by the jolt. Coincidence? I'm not sure. Gripping the straw again, this time with both hands, I pull myself towards the front, excitement welling up within me. What if I were able to see myself now? Who am I? I am long gone, but the me that remains is new, refreshed. Cautiously, I peer over the edge of the cart, resting my eyes on the head of the one whose grip brings me back and binds me, and won't let me go. This pile of straw is too tall, or I would reach down.

The steady, stoic rhythm of the wheels churning over country road floats over me, tickling my ears; yet it feels silent. I won't giggle, but I see the gears turning in your head, as only I can. Way too quickly. Do you actually need to think of a response? No.

You're difficult;

you're confused;

you're relieved. Or instead, pleasantly surprised?

Thin hands with lithe fingers grasp the reins of the horse loosely. No movement. No response. I look up for a moment, because the sky is whispering to me. Patience. Yes, yes. Still, I am at a loss. I cannot remember the last time the sky looked so beautiful, nor the grass so green. Oh dear...

Fingers tighten.

"Perhaps."

* * *

**A/N: **To start off, some no-brainers that I won't go back to explain because every person who interpreted the ending in a positive way knows this story: assume that Lelouch had his father's code (which he did) even though he retained Geass (because he got that from C.C.), and that the code activates for the first time after the person dies, much like it appears to have done for C.C. From that point it's easy to deduce that he actually intended to die, but after his body was removed he was restored to life. Jeremiah might have known this would happen, considering his compliance in the Zero Requiem despite his devotion to Lelouch, in addition to the fact that he worked for a while with the Geass Directorate. So it's impossible that the driver, whom C.C. spoke to directly and whose face was hidden, could be anyone but Lelouch. So there.

Now notes about the fic. 1) The main body of the fic will not be in first person, although it will probably revert to past tense, despite the fact that I like present better. I think past will fit more here. 2) Chapter length will vary, but it will be longer than this. 3) The style used is odd and a bit introspectively unorganized, I know, but the format usually only works in first-person, so you'll see that change as well, which is especially good if you weren't a fan of this prologue. I can't think of much else to note, but unless things change I will more than likely be releasing this one chapter at a time, no more than two chapters per week. Length isn't determined yet.

And notes about the prologue. Just for clarification, this is obviously told from Kallen's point of view, where she just notes that the core group of characters, including her, Cornelia, the Black Knights' higher-ups and Kaguya, know that Lelouch was not evil and are coming to grips with what he did (although she also makes a note of explaining that she knows who the current Zero really is; the rest of them don't), then C.C.'s point of view, and she first reflects on the great day, then gradually relates what she is seeing to how his impact on her life has been magnified with his survival. Everything I used was canon, 99 percent, from the crane to the cart and the country road and all that. Of course, if you've seen the end of episode 25 I don't really have to explain any of this.

Finally, what I want most is for you all to enjoy this, and I will as well. Please review and let me know what you think of the start, which really isn't anything more than reiterating the loose ends from the finale; I'll admit that much now.

**LL**


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